Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
