New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
