Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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