i jhust puked up my retainher.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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