he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize