I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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