She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
