FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize