3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
whose parrot is this?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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