evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We are two peas in an std pod
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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