this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Bring me that man meat
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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