I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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