Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
