i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
