ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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