She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
