Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
