Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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