I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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