Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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