Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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