Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
