Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
