guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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