i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
