But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
