I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
