i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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