the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
