Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
