His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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