just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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