Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
