I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
is wine microwaveable?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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