At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
