Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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