I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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