i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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