i already hear my dad disowning me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
