i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
A bitchslap is in order.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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