just tell him i said nine months
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
