I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
