did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
