i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
