I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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