Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
