sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize