I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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