"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
