What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
