About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
