I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
