omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
