god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
