she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
