how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
