Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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