You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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