I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
