So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
