this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
