she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
