why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
