my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
