the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
