Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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